The last Thursday in November, in the United States we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. A time when families gather to be thankful for each other and enjoy a feast. This year, our Thanksgiving was a disaster. It is hard to blend families. I and my husband were married before and have adult children before we wed. Adult children do not always look at the marriage of their parent to another with favor or blessing. Sometimes it is quite the opposite – feelings of jealousy and anger.
So, those feelings were displayed by my husband’s daughter when she came over for Thanksgiving meal. Her angry response to an answer I gave on a question asked by a different family member caused me to have a PTSD moment. When I have a PTSD moment, I flee or run away from the anger and conflict. This Thanksgiving Day I left my home.
I want my husband to spend time with his children and grandchildren, even though I am ignored and disrespected. I left my home in panic, before my husband could say or do anything. I stayed away for the night. I only returned at his insistence on Friday afternoon. She and her children left early Saturday morning.
After they were gone, my husband said he was ready to tell her to just leave. But I left instead. He made a rule, I am never ever to leave my home again. The other person or people can leave, or he will tell them to leave, but I am to stay. I am not to let anyone run me from my home.
Knowing that when I have a PTSD moment I go into a very deep and dark depression, my husband said we are getting out of the house and going to the sheep and goat auction. I enjoy the sheep and goat auction, meeting friends and seeing all the animals there. It is a place where I always feel good. Getting away from where the drama of Thanksgiving Day occured would help my mental state.
We arrived a few minutes before the sheep and goat auction was to start. I went inside, and sat by a friend talking about the holiday. My husband stopped to talk with someone else outside. The first animal up for bid was a baby goat. The auctioneer called for a starting bid of $50.00 USD, and no one responded. The auctioneer started lowering the bid. I asked my friend if it was a billy. “Yes,” he replied. The calling bid had lowered to $5.00 USD. Why not, can not go wrong with $5.00 so I raised my hand. The the auctioneer asked for $10.00 and another’s hand raised. Calling for $15.00 the auctioneer waited for my sign, I nodded my head. When the auctioneer’s gavel fell, I had bought a bottle baby billy goat.
My husband entered, walking by the ring, when the ringman handed the baby goat to him, “This is yours.” he said with a huge smile. My husband took the goat, and gave it to me where I was seated. Smiling my husband said, “I guess you bought this.” We sat together watching the animals being auctioned, while the baby goat slept in my arms.
After an hour, we both realized we had not come to the auction to buy anything, and we did not bring a checkbook or cash to pay for a purchase. My husband left to find an ATM to get some cash in order to pay for my purchase. After payment was made, we left as the little goat needed to eat.
Taking care of a baby goat or lamb is similar to taking care of a human baby. Formula has to be mixed and placed in a bottle. The baby goat or lamb has to eat every four hours at first. As they get older, the feeding get further apart and larger. The baby goat or lamb needs to be kept warm. Since we are entering the cold season of winter, it is too cold at night for a baby goat or lamb to be outside without a mother. Also, I do not like going out into the cold night in my pajamas to feed a baby goat or lamb. We prepared a dog crate placed inside the house for the baby goat to sleep in and to stay when it is cold and rainy outside. The next day we made a small play yard for the baby goat to stay in during the day.
Next, the baby goat needs a name. I often let my granddaughter name the animals we are keeping. But it will be a year before she would visit and the little goat needed a name. I was remembering the first grade primer I learned to read from and a phrase “See Spot. See Spot run.” The baby billy goat is named Spot.
I am thankful for my husband. I need to stop and trust that he will take care of the situation that brings fear and panic to myself. I am thankful he knows when the shadows are dark, and the depression is deep, and works at pulling me upward towards the light and life. I am thankful he knows the care of a baby goat will bring is wife out and moving forward, as baby animals always brings her joy. Listening to the pitter patter of small hooves following me around the house brings joy into the my heart and into the home.
We can not control what others do. We can not control how others feel about us. We can control who we are with.